


unexpected every time

by hariboo



Category: Thor (2011)
Genre: F/M, Five Times, Friendship, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-24
Updated: 2011-05-24
Packaged: 2017-10-19 18:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/203746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hariboo/pseuds/hariboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Darcy catches Sif and Loki in flagrante. Post film, future fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> writing Darcy snarking on Loki is _way_ too much fun.

Loki’s room was off limits. He’s told her as much, but Darcy figured she’d start following his rules when he stopped stealing and hiding her glasses. Last time he had put them in Super Agent Coulson’s jacket pocket. Dude had been nice enough to drive back from the airport to give them back to her, but seriously, not cool. Sometimes she can’t believe this is the guy that had The Avengers assembling every two minutes for like six months. Dude's cracked, for sure, but really, no different than any of her brothers. Meaning: annoying as fuck.

That’s why she’s not feeling too guilty about heading to his room in the middle of the afternoon to borrow some books. She knew he had them, and it wasn’t even borrowing because he bought them of _her_ Amazon account. Loki? Apparently a password cracker extraordinaire. She already changed it again to: LOKISUCKS4EVA. Petty maybe, but he kept stealing her glasses. Fair was fair.

Pausing in front of the door, she looked around the hall before turning the door knob, because while he _said_ he was going to be out in the desert training with the Sif, Thor and Mr. America, well, Loki lies.

That was like lesson number one she learned back when he moved in.

Squinting at the shadows, she focused on how dark they were. Sif and Hogun taught her than when he hides in the shadows they’re always a bit darker than ones around him. Coast looked clear though. All shadows matched.

She turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Here’s the thing: in the last year Darcy had pretty much had her world expanded exponentially. She’s even had Erik do the math. She’s hung out with aliens, she was on a first name basis with members of the Avengers and like they were all a bunch of dorks, and she had helped fix an interstellar rainbow bridge. Her worldview? Is fucking expanded, and yet nothing could have prepared her for the image of Sif and Loki in bed. Together, naked, and god, what was Sif’s leg _doing_?

They froze at her entrance and Darcy stood still, eyes flicking between the two of them when her brain caught up with her eyes.

“Woah!” She slapped her hands over her eyes, her hand pushing her glasses uncomfortably into her skin, and really tried not to peak because wow, SERIOUSLY? Sif and Loki? Like man, she’d be less surprised if Thor bounced in the room right now and told them that he had a chariot of goats… wait, no that actually happened. The goats were awesome by the way. (She’s trying to get him to let her name them.)

But Sif and Loki, now that was some crazy shit.

“Darcy!”

“What do you think you’re doing here! Out!”

“Sorry, sorry! Leaving!” She turned, eyes still closed, and hand still over them, so of course she smacked her face against the door frame. Pain bloomed across her temple and cheek. “Fuck!” Her hand dropped, instinctively reaching out to steady herself against evil the door frame, as the world spun a little in front of her. Throwing up would be so bad right now, she told the spinning stars in front of her eyes as she closed them, for a second completely forgetting about the other (naked) occupants of the room.

That is until she felt a pair of hands at her shoulders. Darcy slowly opened her eyes and was greeted to Sif’s worried and totally amused face. Darcy noticed that Sif had wrapped herself up in sheet and let out a sigh of relief. Sif was great, Darcy loved her, but she was pretty sure they hadn’t gotten to the full frontal stage of their friendship. She blinked, considering her situation, and thought: maybe they had.

“Are you all right?” Sif index finger prodded Darcy’s cheek gently, assessing the damage.

Darcy cringed at the shot of pain that creeped up her face, “Yeah, fine. Totally. Ow.”

Sif shook her head and looked over her shoulder, “Loki, come here.”

Darcy froze again, tilting her head to look at Loki from around Sif’s body. He was still in bed, blankets bunched at his waist, looking at the scene in front of him in total boredom. _Prissy bastard_.

“No, I’m fine, he can just stay over there.”

Loki agreed, “Quite.”

“Loki,” Sif intoned, exasperated.

“She said she’s fine, Sif, and should _leave_ the room.”

Darcy thought about glaring at him but considering that squinting was giving her problems she figured she’d owe him one.

Sif ignored them both. “She is not fine. Get over here.”

Darcy fumbled with her hands to push at Sif’s hands from where they still held face, “No, no, no, it’s fin…” She trailed off at the look Sif gave her. Behind Sif, she could partly see as Loki moved from the bed and she slammed her eyes shut.

“Dude, you better be wearing pants if you’re coming over here. I know your crazy culture is super open about showing skin—I practically lived with your brother who thinks pants are optional on weekends for a freaking year—but yeah, I don’t think we’re there yet.”

She could practically _hear_ his eyes roll.

“Of course I’m wearing pants.” She would always wonder how he could sound so disinterested and annoyed at once. Practice, probably.

“Aww, pity,” Sif teased, “he’s really has quite nice arse.”

Darcy would have never thought she and Loki would every agree on anything, but she was positive that was his voice accompanying hers.

“SIF!”

Sif laughed, her fingers slipping away from Darcy’s temple.

“You can open your eyes now, Darcy.”

Darcy did as asked and now found herself in front of two half naked Asgardians. When did this turn into her life? Loki still looked bored at Sif’s side, but he was eyeing her growing bruise. Wincing as Sif’s fingers gently tilted her head towards him, Darcy watched as he leaned forward, his fingers joining Sif’s and prodding carefully.

“Shit, guys. That hurts.”

He smirked, “Yes, well, you did hit your head on the door frame.”

“I was there.” Darcy wanted to smack his hand away, but the look Sif gave her held her off.

“Hmm,” he prodded some more and looked down at her, “are you dizzy?”

“Only for a second after, now it just hurts when I move my face, like if I got punched really hard in the face, by a truck, or your brother.” Darcy blinked, her facial muscles aching at the movement.

Loki’s smile came as surprise. “That’s understandable, you’ll be fine though.” His fingers poked her one last time, and totally on purpose she would bet. “And speaking off my brother, we’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to him.”

“Yeah, no problem,” she mumbled, because hey, no judgement. Their business was their business. Sif then nudged him in the ribs and they shared a look that Darcy didn’t get, because really, she wasn’t going to tell, but then he sighed. His hand went back to her face and with a finger he touched the corner of her eye. It felt like there was a tingling in her skin for a second before it went away.

She frowned, “Tell me you did not just do some magic mind erasing voodoo, because as much as I don’t want to remember this _awesomely_ embarrassing moment in my life, I don’t like getting my mind messed with unless I’m the one messing with it. And really, I wasn’t going to tell. Well, not until you told me not to. Girl code, bro.”

“It’s not mind control,” Sif said, making Darcy infinitely better.

“Oh, okay, then what was it?”

Loki looked to the wall, and Darcy could swear the tips of his ears were flushing. He cleared his throat.

“I have some limited abilities in healing magic. You will not bruise too much.” He explained, and Darcy _hmmmed_ , completely shocked. Loki just did something legitimately nice for her! It had to be a sign of the impending apocalypse or Sif must be really good in bed, she thought, but was smart enough not to say.

“Cool, so literally, magic hands.” She winked a Sif, significant head tilt and all, “Suddenly I understanding what’s going on here a lot more.”

Okay, so maybe she’s not that smart.

And if Sif’s failed attempt hide her snort was any indication, she wasn’t that off the mark. Good for Sif!

Loki, however, was looking at her like she was Tony Stark or something and Darcy took that as her cue get out of the room, this time injury free.

“Right, so, again, sorry for the whole catching you in flagrante and thanks for the magic healing. Moi lips now be seal.” She grinned and hopped out the room, closing the door behind her. Three-seconds later she cringed. She had forgotten the books. She looked at the door, considering. It wasn’t like they could have gotten back to getting busy so quickly. Right?

Risking it, she reached for the door again, opened it an inch and yelled, “SORRY AGAIN, BUT LOKI I NEED—”

She didn’t even get to finish her sentence as the door was slammed shut on her and a pile of books appeared by her feet. Laughing, she picked them up, “THANKS, DUDE, AND REMEMBER, NO GLOVE NO LOVE.”

Darcy half yelped and half snickered when something hit the door on the other side, making the wood bounce, and headed back to the lab. To be fair, she didn’t think he was all that up on American slang. Sighing, she looked back at hall, and thought it totally sucked that she couldn’t tell anyone. This was like the biggest news to hit their little family since she and Jane ran Thor over with the car. Oh well, she shrugged, pressing play on her iPod and getting back to work. It’s not like they could keep it a secret for long.

 

~~

 

She stumbled in through the front door, pushing her prescription sunglasses further up her nose. She should know by now that going out drinking with Sif when she visited was a bad idea. Sif could pack it away like twenty linebackers on a bender and Darcy always made the mistake of trying to keep up. She’s thinking about waffles and bacon and maybe bribing Loki to cook and help her with the calculations Jane left behind while she was in New York.

Inside the door she tripped over one of Sif’s boot and chuckled. Looked like she wasn’t the only that came back a little worse for the wear last night. It wasn’t much, but it made her feel better, if only a little. She took her wins with these Asgardians wherever she could get them.

Yawning, she made her way over to the kitchen and blessed whoever thought to put the coffee on.

It was then she heard it.

It was possible that the sound had been happening since she came in but she hadn’t been listening for it and okay, it’s not like there’s a lot of places to hide around here with the giant freaking windows all over the place.

But somehow she missed it, them.

The breathing, the short raspy breathing that could only mean one thing. Biting her lips, Darcy squinted through her sunglasses over to the couch they had on the far side of the lab, blocked off by a couple of wall panels.

Sif’s hair draped over the back of the couch, which was innocent enough to almost let Darcy believe she was wrong, and then came the groan.

“Oh, GOD.”

It took a lot to shock Darcy nowadays, but she’s hungover and _hungover_ and Sif was… Loki and Sif were… doing sexy things again. Practically in front of her eyes. WHY WAS THIS HER LIFE? Why was she screaming at herself when there were porn sounds coming from the couch she napped on.

“ **OH, GOD**!” Her couch!

Apparently now they heard her because saw Sif’s head tense up, and even as she spun around to face the fridge she could see how Sif’s head snapped to the side and Loki’s shoulders suddenly appeared from where they had been hidden by Sif’s body and the couch. She could already hear him curse her. She would be insulted expect she totally called him worse on a daily basis.

Whatever Loki was saying though was drowned out by Sif’s laughter and she was glad someone was not dying of pure and utter embarrassment. How was this happening again?

“Good morning, Darcy,” Sif’s jovial tone rang out across the room.

“Morning, Sif,” she mumbled, making a show of taking of her sunglasses and rummaging in her bag for her regular pair. “Having a nice one?” It was better to be totally nonchalant in these kinds of situations if they were going to keep happening, Darcy had just decided.

She could hear them moving around behind her and could practically feel Loki’s glare. Darcy focused on finding her pop-tarts, trying not to look the distorted reflection the toaster offered her, and failing completely—what, it wasn’t a crime! She was scientist, kinda. Curiosity was encouraged! She only caught a flash of material being pulled over pale shoulders and a flash of dark hair and then had wondered which one it had been.

“Yes, quite,” Sif replied and Darcy heard the sound of skin slapping skin lightly—Loki must have mumbled something rude. “Yours, Darcy?”

“Horrible and getting worse; by the way, thanks for smacking him.” She put the pop-tart in and took a gulp from her coffee.

“You are welcome, though it seems he agrees with your assessment on the morning.”

“Figures. What’d he say?”

Another chuckle and this time Darcy was sure that Loki was smiling too; the sadist, he was probably enjoying her torture. “Nothing worth repeating,” Sif said, “He’s just being petulant, he hates being interrupted.”

“Yeah, well, um.” What could she say to that? Darcy drew a blank and frowned at the toaster which was heating up so fucking slowly and her head was killing her, and just wanted her pop-tart. She sighed, “So are you two done because the sun is really bright and I really want to hide behind the wall.”

She got her answer in the form of Loki’s forearm reaching over shoulder and almost jumped—she still wasn’t used to the way he moved so quietly everywhere—as his went for the pop-tart that just popped. Darcy didn’t think twice about slapping his hand away.

“Get your own,” she snapped, turning to point menacingly at his chest, all thoughts now focused on protecting her breakfast. Behind him Sif was smiling, hair tumbling over her shoulders like a damn Pantene commercial—no shit Earth thought these people were gods—and Darcy figured that if Loki decided to snap in some of sort of rage fuelled by sexual frustration, Sif would have her back. Sif was awesome like that.

He rolled his eyes and then her extra box of Apple-Cinnamon Pop-Tarts appeared in his hands. Damn, she thought she had hidden that!

“Excellent idea,” he said, shaking the box.

Over his shoulder Sif mimicked him making Darcy swallow a smile as not to provoke the snappy God of Mischief. Yeah, Sif wouldn’t let her stupid boyfriend kill Darcy over breakfast treats, but it’s not like she wanted to test that theory.

“Those are mine!” Darcy reached for the box.

“Well, if you don’t want your things taken away from you, get better hiding places. Or timing.” He easily held the box out of her grasp and Darcy damned him and his freakishly long arms.

“Loki!” Sif reached out and clipped him on the shoulder, giving Darcy the opening to side step him and grab the box. “Leave her alone, it was not her fault that you did not properly magic the place.”

“As if I would make such a remedial mistake,” he said, turning to Sif, insulted.

From around one mouthful pop-tart Darcy watched the two of them and couldn’t help but ask, “Wait, you can do that?”

Loki spared her a glance as if to say the question was beneath him. Sif, being far cooler, nodded for him. Darcy nodded back, impressed. “Nice.”

“Then how did she walk in?” Sif asked, interested.

“Yeah, how did I get in?”

Loki looked at Darcy, frowned, stole the box back, opened it and ripped open one of the foil packages. Any other day she’d bitch at him for it, but this hangover was killing her and she _did_ ruin morning sex for him. When he noticed she wasn’t going to annoy him further about the pastries, he leaned against the counter and took a bite, setting the box down beside him.

“Well?”

He looked between her and Sif then lifted a shoulder as if to answer them would be the greatest of trails. “The spell was not to stop anyone, but to shade anyone from looking in. I did not think anyone would be in this morning due to your late night.”

“Ah,” Sif nodded, moving to his side. She took what remained of his pop-tart and he didn’t even argue, grabbing another. Darcy had to admit it was cute, almost domestic, and they looked nice together; even if Sif was clearly much awesomer than Loki who stole her freaking pop-tarts all the time.

“Wait, so, it _was_ your fault,” Darcy said, and really, it was clear she never did learn to control that brain to mouth filter, especially hungover.

The look Loki gave her was priceless. Sif brushed her fingers over her mouth to cover her smile.

Then he did that thing with is eyebrows that said he was annoyed but didn’t think whatever was annoying him was worth his time. She got that a look, a lot.

“In fact, it was yours. What are you doing here? Don’t you have your own hovel to spend your days at?”

Darcy shrugged, “I don’t have any food in my apartment.”

Sif pushed from the counter and wrapped an arm around Darcy’s shoulder. “Well, that’s perfect then, we have yet to have breakfast. Loki, get some plates.”

See, this is what she meant about Sif being the superior god. Goddess.

Loki narrowed his eyes, but did ask Sif asked without a word, turning to the cupboards. Darcy thought it was adorable how he listened to Sif and blinked. Man, this hangover was clearly messing with her perceptions of things, she just thought Loki was borderline adorable. What even?

She slid into a chair as they moved around the kitchen and yawned, “Sorry about ruining your sexy morning.”

“Not to worry, Darcy. He’ll make it up to me,” Sif said, glancing over at them as she took the eggs out of the fridge.

Loki on the other hand looked at her over his shoulder, eyes lidded, frown in place. “I do not forgive you.”

Darcy laughed and rested her head on her folded hands. “Yeah, well then stop having sex in places I can catch you.”

 

~~

 

So she doesn’t learn her lesson and the next time Sif and the Warriors Three come into town she decided to take them to the bar. To be fair she always took them to the bar, but they haven’t complained so far. Loki tagged along pretending that it was to lessen any remaining tension, and because Thor told him he should go and have some fun. One look over his shoulder to Sif and Darcy knew the real reason he went along with Thor’s suggestion to get out of the lab-slash-house.

(Personally, Darcy thought Jane and Thor just wanted to be left alone so they could have roof sex, but that’s just her opinion.)

The boys were well into their sixth pitcher of whatever gross thing Erik always orders when he and Thor drink together and she’s on her fourth vodka and lemonade, feeling good and needing to pee. When she stood from the table saying she’d be right back Volstagg announced he’d have another drink waiting for her upon her return, and even though she’s barely halfway done with her current drink, and would probably puke up one more, she’s learned better than to argue with these three when they get going. Hogun will probably end up drinking it out of pity towards her. Hogun is gem like that.

She snapped Volstagg some finger guns he returned with a full bellied laugh and she began making her way through the crowd to the bathroom.

There was a line. Of course there was.

It’s not often that Darcy cursed her fellow females but fuck she had to pee. Licking her lips, she weighed her options and eyed the side door. She’s been here enough that she knows just which alley that door will lead to and which dumpster she can hide behind. She’d be quick, and Punto Antiguo was a small and not very dangerous town, metal Destroyers from other worlds aside. Plus, she had three kickass warriors on her side and Sif and Loki, wherever they were.

She should look for them.

But first, she _really_ needed to pee.

It took her all five-seconds outside to regret her decision.

“Holy fuck, you two, are you kidding me?”

The door slammed behind her just as Sif’s legs unwrap from Loki’s waist.

“Tell me she is not behind us,” Loki’s voice is low and annoyed not five feet in front of her, and she can tell his pants are loose on his hips. Fuckfuckfuck. God help her, he’s going to kill her this time.

Over his the crown of his head even Sif looked annoyed as she nodded and whispered something to Loki, and Darcy can’t blame her. Like it’s getting old this whole thing. Not to mention awkward.

She mouthed _sorry_ and Sif’s lips softened, waving her away.

Darcy did not need to be told twice. She moved back to the door, turned the knob only to find it unyielding under her hand. They are both going to kill her. She was so dead. She hoped Jane would miss her. That Thor would avenge her. That they would drink heartily at her funeral.

Cringing, she coughed lightly, “Um, Loki.”

If it were any other time she would find the way he let his forehead drop to Sif’s neck sweet and how waved his hand to open the door for her nice. Except she’s sure that none of them want to prolong the moment. The knob twisted under her hand and she rushed back inside. The line hadn’t moved.

Fuck her life.

 

~~

 

They’re in New York. There was this big world saving thing to do with the Avengers and her favourite Asgardians were visiting so they decided to help and long story short: they ended up in New York. Darcy knew that it was just part of the Saving The World gig to have to deal with Nazi Aliens or whatever it was they had been fighting most of the last day and a half, but like fuck, there was a reason Jane kept the lab in New Mexico. Nice, generally quiet Punto Antiguo, Nuevo Mejico. Though lately there had been talk of moving the lab closer to some more prominent S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters, but as awesome as the city was Darcy was going to veto New York.

New York was like a giant beacon for bad guys everywhere.

She’d bring it up with Jane next time they started talking about closing up the Punto Antiguo lab. Right now, Darcy was sleepily making her way through Stark Industries Avenger’s penthouse suite or whatever Iron Dude called this place.

With half of the team getting their asses beat in the fight they had decided to stay in the city until everyone was a) conscious again and b) not feeling like zombies. She wasn’t up on Asgardian healing rooms and how they worked, but she had to imagine they were a right side better and nicer than S.H.I.E.L.D.’S sterile and unwelcoming hospital rooms. Poor Volstagg, he had barely fit on the bed. She’d have to see about making him some cupcakes tomorrow. They always cheered him up.

Yawning, she rubbed at her eyes, pushing her glasses up her nose and reached for the door that Pepper had told her she could use. Third one on the right, right?

Whatever, everyone else was either asleep somewhere in this giant faux apartment or at post-op briefings or down recovering. They could deal if she picked the wrong room.

She pushed the door open and blinked, narrowed her eyes, and blinked again.

Okay, maybe, she’d have to deal.

There they were. Loki and Sif, pressed against the dresser on the other side of the room and from the looks of it about to engage in some hardcore We’re Alive Sex. The part of Darcy that normally yelled, groan, or warned them that she had caught them was clearly already asleep because all she could do was stare at them.

It was fascinating, if she was honest. Watching them.

Loki was like the worst, expect he wasn’t really, and mostly they just fought for fun. And Sif, well, Sif was the best and Darcy totally looked up at her and Jane as her life gurus. Knowing about Loki and Sif and how they were together was pretty weird, she had to admit, but kinda not, and it made a strange kinda sense, especially now as she looked at them.

Sif had Loki by the lapels of his wacky cloak and his hands curved around her neck, his thumbs rubbing her jaw, and they were just kissing like they didn’t care about anyone else in the world. It was probably true too, because they hadn’t even noticed her yet and they were the most observant people she knew. At that, Darcy shook herself as she realised she had just been staring like a creeper at Loki and Sif in a very private moment. Suddenly she felt very guilty, and promised herself to be really nice to them tomorrow.

Stepping back as quietly as possible, she shut the door, and she looked across the hallway to the third door on the left. Maybe that’s what Pepper had said. Opening the that door, she walked in with her eyes closed lest Jane and Thor were having their own private party too. Or even worse Janet and Hank. When nobody yelled, she opened her eyes slowly, just having learned that entering a room didn’t necessarily mean the people in the room noticed.

Thankfully, this room was blissfully empty and Darcy didn’t think twice before kicking off her shoes, jeans, and dropping on the bed.

She was sleep in minutes.

 

(In the morning, way too early according to her watch, she woke to Sif stepping out of her en suite bathroom. She was confused to say the least, “Sif?”

“Had to sneak over here,” Sif was all she said, a frown fluttering on her lips.

Darcy nodded, sleepily, “Hmmm, cool, no problem. You guys were awesome yesterday. Totally kickass.”

“Thank you, Darcy.” Sif smiled and part of Darcy thought it was really sad that Sif had to sneak over her in the first place when she had another place she clearly wanted to be more. She didn’t know what else to say so she shifted on the bed and waved her hand to the empty spot, “If you want.”

Sif sat on the bed, leaning against the wall and looked at the door, arms crossed over her stomach. “Sleep, Darcy, I will wake you for breakfast.”

“Kay, thanks, I wanna make Volstagg cupcakes,” and she feel asleep again.)

 

~~

 

Darcy frowned at the lab. It was empty. Thor was off with Avenger business, Jane was off a conference in New York where Thor was doing his Avenger business, and nobody was buying it was just coincidence. Erik was at the S.H.I.E.L.D compound in D.C, and Loki was off somewhere. Probably the roof or arguing with Luke at the book store over their selection again.

Darcy was alone.

Holy shit, she was alone! Finally! Slipping off her shoes she slid across the floor in her socks and turned up the volume on her iPod.

She danced and slid across the floor for a couple minutes and then decided to go jump on Loki’s bed. That would show him for messing with her email last week. He would sleep on his stupid bed tonight and never know she got her dirty socks all over it. The perfect revenge—and yes, it was entirely possible that she might be spending too much time with the trickster but he always said the best part of tricking someone is them not realising they’ve been tricked.

Whatever, bed, jumping!

Sliding her way to his room in the back, she flung the door open, grinning when it swung open.

“NO, NO, NO.”

On the bed on the other side of the room there was a scramble for covers as Sif slid off of Loki and Loki sighed, running his hands over his hair trying to smooth out what Sif’s hands had mussed.

“Darcy,” he said in a bored tone. Next to him Sif pulled the sheets over her chest and leaned against the headboard.

“Hey, Loki. Sif. I didn’t know you were in town today.”

It was possible that this was the first time Darcy had ever seen Sif blush, and trust her, she’s had the opportunities.

Sif tucked the edges of the sheet under her armpits and carded her hand through her hair and look towards the wall. “Um, yes, I had missive for Thor from the Allfather, but did not find him when I arrived.”

“Uh huh.”

To Sif’s side, Loki just smirked.

God they were just like horny teenagers. Man, Darcy missed being a horny teenager.

“You know, you two have to get better at this whole incognito thing because I’m telling you at the rate you’re going I’m surprised half the town doesn’t know.”

They shared a look and smile that told Darcy she was missing something.

“What?”

“You are aware that you’re still the only that knows,” Loki said as he turned his hand over and a pair of dark pants appeared, which then disappeared under the covers. It said something to what Darcy’s life has turned into that she doesn’t even blink at the magic. The words however.

“Tell me you’re kidding. How can I still be the only one?”

Sif shrugged, “You just are. If you would pass me that top on the floor.”

Darcy couldn’t even process that. “Yeah, sure,” she answered, “But, wait a second. Seriously, how am I the only one? You two have sex _all the time_.”

“Impossible,” Loki scoffed. “Though, a challenge?” He gave Sif a look she returned with an eye-roll.

“FINE, when Sif is here you two have sex all the time. And trust me, I KNOW, I’ve been there practically every time.”

“Yes, a detail we can’t seem to get rid off.”

“Darcy, the top?” Sif asked again.

She blinked and looked down at the shirt on the floor. “Uh, yeah, got it.” She picked it up and tossed it to Sif.

In a daze she stood in the middle of Loki’s room as they dressed just processing what they told her, when she realised it just didn’t make sense.

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HOW IS IT I’M THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS.”

Loki shrugged, reaching behind him where his shirt hung from one of the chairs, “You seem to be only one that’s ever caught us.”

“That is true,” Sif added, hands reaching for her hair which she twisted into a pony tail.

Darcy rolled her eyes, “Yeah, and doesn’t that worry you a bit? I mean, you live with _warriors_ and a _scientist_ and I’m the one that gets _this_ is happening. I’m worried.” She gestures between them, emphatically.

Too busy wrapping her head around this idea she missed Loki pointing out she was in fact a political _scientist_ , a compliment in Loki’s world.

Sif laughed, pulling her leather pants up, hips wiggling as she did so. “You make a valid point, Darcy, but do not worry over it too much. I’m sure Thor knows, he’s just does not mention it for we haven’t. Jane for similar reasons I believe. The Warriors Three I’m sure do no care who I’m sleeping with, and I think they care even less who Loki beds.”

Okay, that made sense. That made a lot of sense and it made her feel better. She could deal with that. Except for one little thing.

Walking over to the bed, she dropped down on it, letting herself fall back and stare the ceiling. She could practically picture the look Loki was sending over to Sif.

“But how come I’m always the one that gets the show?” She pouted, draping an arm over her eyes. It wasn’t like they were bad to look at but seriously at some point this joke had to get old to the universe. “No offence, you guys are pretty, but really.”

For the first time in one of these situations she heard Loki laugh. Then she felt the bed dip on either side and felt Sif’s slim hand pat her arm. She could hear Loki moving on her other side and figured he must be putting on his shoes. Loki didn’t exactly do “comforting”.

“Loki has a theory that it might the universe’s way to making him suffer for making us suffer as long as he did.”

Darcy removed her arm from her face and propped herself on her elbows, “Yeah, I can buy that, but why me?”

Together she and Sif looked over to Loki, who swiped his hands over his thighs. The way his eyes soften when he looked towards Sif, shifted and turned mocking when they looked at Darcy. Well, fine then, she was totally going to mess with his laundry later. Pink would be good colour on him.

“It seems that universe has a cruel send of humour and enjoys torturing me with your presence.”

Darcy stuck out her tongue at him.

“Whatever, that’s a lie, you know I’m awesome.”

Sif laughed and stood, Loki following. Darcy watched as they moved together and smiled, they really were pretty together. It wasn’t like the hardest thing looking at them. Deciding to be a brat, she reached up and wiggled her fingers, waiting to be pulled up.

Loki gave her a bland look but reached and pulled her up anyway. She gave him an obnoxious smile in return.

“So wait, does this mean I can finally talk to Thor and Jane about you two banging because seriously, I think Thor would only have amazing things to say about you four being a big happy family.” She followed them out the door.

Loki’s response was to have the door close behind a second too early and hit her ass. “Shit, Loki, that hurt!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CRACKY EPILOGUE. THERE IS NO WAY THIS WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN, BUT THE IDEA AMUSED ME.

_and when everyone knows_

Darcy had stopped caring about Loki’s “rules” a long time ago and didn’t think twice as she let herself into his rooms in the new Santa Fe lab/ranch/house. She had shit to take care of and he had her lab notes. Like seriously, he could ask for them, but oh no some things just clearly never changed. She didn’t even blink when she passed his desk where he and Sif were enjoying an afternoon makeout session. She paused for a second though impressed with their balance on the chair and continued on her way to coffee table were she spied her book.

She could hear Jane calling for her and the sounds of someone sparring in the distance.

“I’m coming, Jane! LOKI STOLE MY NOTES AGAIN! AND HE’S TOO BUSY MAKING OUT WITH SIF TO CARE THAT I’M STEALING HIS STUPID HAT.”

“DARCY, DON’T STEAL THE HAT.” Jane yelled back.

“YES, STEAL THE HAT.” Fandral’s voice rang out.

She hadn’t planned to taking the hat, but there it was in all it’s dorky horned glory and so she grabbed it. As she about to cross the threshold something very much shaped like the letter opener Erik had gifted him last year embedded itself in the wall beside her head. Shocked, she turned around to where Sif was waving, sitting on the desk, and Loki was glaring at her from his chair.

“Rude, offence!” She glared right back. She even pointed. Sif laughed.

“Drop the hat.”

“I don’t know why you’re trying to threaten me. It never works and I have the total advantage here.”

Eyes slitted and eye brow raised, he regarded her words, “Oh?”

“Yeah,” she raised her fingers, ticking them off, “taser, Thor, and your girlfriend is totally on my side.”

Loki turned to Sif, a look of mock-betrayal on his face. Sif shrugged, “It is true. The hat is stupid.”

Darcy chuckled and walked backwards across the threshold, arms spread wide in victory. “Boom, owned! Hat’s mine; if you want it back the X-box is in the living room. I’ll take your challenge tonight.”

“Accepted!”

The door slammed after her as if of on its own accord and she heard the click of the lock slide into place. She smiled. Finally, he was finally getting the whole lock your doors thing while doing sex! Took him long enough.


End file.
